Amour de Desespoir
by GeorginaFranke
Summary: Bella's life never quite worked out the way in which she hoped. Alone and emotionally detached, she finds it hard to let people in but when a stranger with lime eyes and a muscular curly haired chef manage to make her feel, who else can get through?
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

When your nineteen troubles are meant to be small and stored away in the back of your mind as you down a shot of shit vodka whilst only being slightly concerned about your underage drinking.

After graduating and moving on to find a job or studying a course of your choice at university, you can occasionally sponge of your parents or relatives for spare money or a room when rent runs out.

Or if you're even luckier they'll send little packages of the green paper in the post so you didn't even have to ask.

When people think teenagers their mind instantly turns to mood swings, shitty make out sessions behind the bike shed, road trips, cigarettes and the rebels who'd offer you a joint at a house party.

They wouldn't think of entirely independent brunette who hadn't bothered with breakfast to save two dollars.

Her horribly outdated wallpaper peeling on the walls, a slightly funky smell coming from the room next door and the boiler creaking as the heater struggled to keep the constantly cool space warm.

I am not the definition of a teenager.

I have to ration my food like a fucking 1916 English citizen.

There's no way I could afford any alcohol so drinking myself into oblivion isn't really an option, no matter how hard it gets. I guess I should be thankful for that, it saves me from becoming a mumbling twitchy homeless woman sleeping on a cardboard box....but that scenario still isn't too far fetched for me.

And I know no one apart from the acquaintances I work with who are constantly trying to incorporate themselves into my life. But I've learnt to not depend on anyone, that way I can't get let down.

I have so many fucking troubles to worry about.

I feel far too old for my age.


	2. Chapter 2

Days always start of the same. Never any variation in the way I get to work or how I come home. My bus is always on time and I always cringe as I pass the driver my dollar for a ticket, thinking of the cookie I could have for that amount.

I haven't had a cookie for months.

My money was safely stored under my mattress as per usual and I hadn't bothered putting any in my purse for food today so that I could actually afford my rent at the end of month.

The heating was turned off even though I knew how cold my room would be later at the expense of keeping a few shitty dollars back for the bike I was saving for.

I couldn't afford fancy shampoo so my constantly dry and wiry long brown hair was regularly scooped into an elastic band which I had found wrapped around the few useless letters I received every month.

I had already looked over my appearance in a numb state due to my lack of sleep that night and pinched my cheeks in an effort to reproduce the affects of blusher (which I couldn't afford).

I can't remember the last time my cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

My stomach aches annoyingly as I remember the distant raucous laughter and chatter from better times contrasting enormously to the almost stinging silence that accompanied me when I wasn't at work.

I don't have enough money for a TV or radio or any other type of distraction from the fact that I was all alone.

And I guess it's alright. No one else gets hurt that way, I don't have to unload anything, effect anyone with my baggage.

I quickly changed into my work uniform, well it wasn't really a uniform. As cheap and leery as it sounds, my uniform was anything short and alluring. Sure, batting dirty hands off my ass on the evening shift gets a little old but I need the tips more than anything.

I frowned at the jean shorts which barely covered what they were meant to but at least the polo shirt didn't show anything on top, what a god send. I didn't even have to look outside to know it was raining in the permanently soaked city of Seattle before grabbing my overused dark blue hoody from the kitchen table and pulling it over my head.

Grabbing the keys from the sideboard I unhooked my rucksack from the hook behind the door, swinging it over my shoulder and turning to look over my one roomed apartment.

Gross. That's the only word which springs to mind when you look at my place. Dust everywhere, the trashcan overflowing, peeling wallpaper and paint and broken doors don't exactly describe a haven of serenity.

Fucking gross.

I sighed once more before pulling the sticking door shut behind me. I walked through the front door I was careful to tip toe down the shared hallway as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake up my very verbal neighbour. He only yelled in the mornings but his ears were so God damn sensitive.

"DO YOU WANT TO WAKE UP THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE?" The faceless man yelled through the paper thin walls. I huffed and carried on walking, making a point to stomp a little.

"You're doing just fine on your own." I mumbled, shaking my head. I pulled my rucksack tighter around my body, holding onto the straps as I made my way outside.

I shivered when the cold air and rain hit me straight in the face and ran down my nose, jumping a little as the door swung back into place a little louder that usual. I took a chance glance at the sky, hoping to see some blue sky after the grey clouds but no, the day isn't going to get any brighter than this.

If I could get a decent amount of money to move, I would.

The sidewalk outside my apartment block is littered with massive amounts of trash, and graffiti covers the brick all around it like something someone who wanted to seem 'intriguing' would call art. But realistically it just looks like a toddler's gone round with a paint gun squirting it like a mini maniac.

I jogged slightly down the three steep steps onto the sidewalk and jumped as a slosh of water worked its way all over my legs and the bottom of my shirt.

Perfect fucking timing

I glared after the speeding black look-at-me car which had skilfully gotten close enough to side of the road to push a whole puddle over me.

"ASS HOLE." I yelled, flipping him off (only a guy could be so fucking ignorant).

Sighing I rang out the dirty water from my hoody and the whole point of it keeping me warm was lost as the heavy fabric stuck to me.

Well, I didn't lose my keys this morning, maybe I've ran out of my daily ration of luck today.

God is pretty fricking cheap.

I pressed the heel of my hand into my eyes and took a deep breath in hoping I sucked in a good mood with it too.

Nah, it didn't work.

I trudged down the concrete in my newly squidged converse.

I wished that the bus stop had a shelter. It didn't.

No one else got on the same stop as me so when I reached the pole, signalling where I should queue it was desolate like usual.

Normally at this time of day I allow myself a few spare minutes to myself: the rest of the day I'm too busy working my ass of for some extra cash and my heads so full of useless crap I haven't enough time to think of anything else.

Before, I would find myself pondering over my lonely existence and how useless I was in the grand scheme of the universe.

But now I realise that that in itself is useless. There's no point wondering about ifs and when's if you know things are never going to change, and I know they never will.

If I think to hard and long about all what I've lost I'll go mad.

And it would probably take me the whole fucking day too.

Hope's just a fucking waste of time.

These days I stare aimlessly and thoughtlessly across the street at the boarded up supermarket with smashed in windows and glass scattered around the sidewalk.

I could feel my eyes glazing over as I stared at the 'R' on the sign which was swinging from side to side with the rain and wind.

I started when the bus flew into my sight, blocking my staring spot from view and interrupting my empty train of thoughts. I bit my lip when the doors hissed open remembering how it used to scare the shit out of me and nodded to the elderly man whose name I forget and dismissed the free seats choosing to stand instead.

Elderly people need the bum support more than me.

I know...shocker right? The bitch can be thoughtful.

Swaying slightly from side to side, I could feel my eyelids closing little by little. I could remember my mums arms, and how she used to rock me gently whenever I was upset.

And then I remembered that I was on a smelly, grimy bus on the outskirts of Seattle. Alone.

And that's how it is from now on.

My eyes opened as I jolted, my head hitting the cool glass slightly. I watched a rain drop on it journey down the clear screen and sighed as I spotted the run down 'restaurant'.

I nodded to the now even more wrinkled old man who steered the bus and stepped off, sighing as I walked right into a puddle, the muddy water seeping through the fabric off my already torn converse.

I squinted up at the peeling yellow paint covered sign, 'Simons Burger Break' except the 'N', 'E's' and 'I' were either stolen or hanging by the edge of nail so it was no longer even readable. The brightly coloured two for one deal posters were stuck to the windows with blue-tack or old chewing gum and the fluorescent lights weren't exactly flattering.

It keeps 'a measly amount of' food on my plate but I couldn't be less proud of my place of work.

However as long as I get my money I couldn't give a shit where it comes from. Well I toe the line at anything that involves me removing clothes but that's just fucking obvious, I'm not going to let some perverted old man get his kicks from me.

My hair frizzed up a little bit more much to my fucking delight before I shoved the heavy glass door open.

I heard a horribly recognizable and droning voice as soon as it hit the wall behind it with a bang. He spoke as I watched the glass wobble a little before stilling.

"If that smashes, I'm taking it out of your wages." The fat balding man tapped his foot against the floor as his podgy hands rested on his overweight hips. His polo shirt was stretched over his man boobs in a way that made me want to throw my shitty dinner from last night up.

I huffed, still not bothering to look at his face. "Well it didn't so..."

"You see that sign? Whose fucking name is on it?"

I admired the cracks in the far wall as he spat out his sentence, clenching my jaw as he carried on speaking shit to me. "Simon. I thought you'd know that seeing as you admire that piece of shit everyday."

"Any more attitude from you Swan, and your ass will be the first thing I throw out of that door." I dragged my eyes from the sticky tiled floor to his face as I heard his footsteps grow closer. I would have been scared as he pointed a sausage (or what he would call finger) in my face but his forehead was so fucking shiny with sweat I tried hard to stifle a sarcastic comment.

I didn't answer. He huffed and stomped away and I watched as his balding head and almost dangerously fat backside walked back into his office.

"Dickhead." I mumbled as I trudged toward the locker room which could scarcely be called that as half the locks were fucking broken.

Someone called Peter tried to talk to me.

I ignored him.

Angie(?) offered to take one of my shifts.

I ignored her.

Its not to hard to be lonely you know.

I was introduced to the new chef, who was fucking ripped to high heavens. There's no way I'm bad mouthing him even though his deep dimples and huge (almost) infectious smile told me he wouldn't take it as bad as red face waddler.

I waited a few tables, smacked a few dirty wandering hands and watched the clock till the hour hand stopped at 11pm and I could go 'home'.

I didn't run into the boss again and as my day got worse I was glad. I would have probably lost my fucking job as soon as my mouth opened.

It was still raining when I left.

Before I would have been scared walking around Seattle on my own but now...not so much.

I got back later than usual.

I fell asleep on an itchy mattress, under a thin sheet, with the heating off.

In the middle of December.

**Twilights not mine. Please tell me what you think. **


	3. Chapter 3

I worked 7 days, so days always seemed to merge and I'd forget when a week ended and the next began. There was no break from my mediocre life, nothing extraordinary to awaken my senses and emotions to what was really going on around me.

My movements were robotic almost and if I could feel, I would feel shit.

My thoughts don't stray and I've gotten over feeling sorry for myself because there's no point, no one sees it. There's no attention to gain.

I'm already at work, surrounded by the smell of burnt grease. Most of the burgers are only partially cooked to save time, leaving the middle pink which only a few customers had the balls to complain about. They'd probably already met Emmett and watching him hard at work in the kitchen with a deep frown from concentration made him seem like a fucking hard nut if I'm honest.

He almost managed to coax a smile out of me this morning and fuck me if I wasn't surprised. I suppressed it as I felt my lips twitch, (slightly annoyed at how he shortened my name) opting to raise my eyebrows at him when he told me his horribly funny joke.

"_Hey Bella, what's big, grey, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?"_

_I turned around to face him after chucking my hoody in my shitty locker, my face its usual blank expression. He took that as a 'what's big, grey, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?' and carried on, a grin still on his annoyingly adorable face. _

"_A castle." He burst out laughing, yet he told the poor joke and leaned over to smack his knees in earnest, trying to catch his breath. As I struggled with the foreign emotion which I guess you would call happiness, I noticed him properly. His dark brown curls were cut short and even through his muscled frame and towering height, which I guessed at around 6ft 5, his face showed kindness and friendliness something I'm not accustomed to after spending a year and a half living in the shit hole of outer Seattle. His eyes were a musty blue when he finally looked up and I remembered to keep my emotions hidden as they searched my face for anything other then the usual bored and tired._

_I wanted to laugh but my surprise at the easy flow of my new nickname on his lips and the urge to laugh scared me. I pondered letting him in, allowing him to be my friend. He seemed to be the only one not remotely freaked out by me in this dump. But I decided against it and disappointment showed on his face for only a split second before his smile returned._

**

None of my usual customers bothered with any friendly chatter or even a smile anymore. They knew I never responded.

"What would you like?" I asked the greying man sporting a suit. He looked as if he wandered in from another world. A lost rich man. He looked over the sticky plastic menu one more time before glancing up at me. A weird surprise graced his features before his eyes raked my body from head to toe. I raised an eyebrow, again waiting for a response.

"Ermm.." He coughed awkwardly. "Hot dog and fries..oh and a black coffee. Thanks" He punctuated his only manner (no please) with a flick of his hand. Dismissive.

I scribbled his order on a shitty notebook, too small to hold properly and then ripped it off roughly. I waited at the bar for his meal, refusing to wait anyone else until Emmett handed me his plate personally.

He looked confused when I stood there eying the food and even more so when I reached up and pluck a few hairs from his head.

"Ow, what the hell?" He whined.

He watched me sprinkled them over the posh fuckers fries, rubbing his head with his spare hand.

"He won't mess with you." I mumbled before taking the plate from him.

"You know that's the first thing I've heard you say Bella."In full force, his grin was back on and I shrugged but I could feel my mood lightening slightly and my eyes felt brighter.

I could feel his happy eyes on my back (not my backside like most guys) as I walked over to the twats table. I practically threw the plate in-front of him and watched as it knocked his coffee into his lap.

"Enjoy." I said before turning on my heel and walking over to the next table. He sounded angry as he huffed and from what I could hear, scrubbed his pants furiously with a serviette, all the while, unlike Emmett, staring a fucking hole in my ass. What a shit.

I huffed indignantly again, fed up off being regarded as a piece of meat and groaned when I spotted the full table of rowdy cocky looking men. Well, some of them looked like they'd just hit fucking puberty but I didn't bother looking at them each individually, all males that visited this crappy..cafe? are as leering as the next.

I noticed Emmett's lumbering frame through the hole in the wall opening into the kitchen and even though he didn't see me I felt another weird emotion surge through me. Safety maybe?

Not like I need that, I do fine on my own.

"Hello." A cheerful but sinister sounding voice drifted from their group and I took a step forward to put myself at the end of their unbalanced table.

I didn't say anything in response to the greeting and from the expectant look on a blonde boys face I guessed it was him who said it. He didn't exactly look like the kind of rough guy you see normally around here but the dude next to him did. He was the closest to me, on the left side of the booth on the end. His greasy dark blonde hair was gathered in a low ponytail and his dark green bomber jacket was ripped at the elbows.

His black beady eyes stared at me and at that moment I cursed Emmett for partially giving me my fucking feelings back. I felt frightened. Only a little. But Emmett's sudden unexpected kindness had partially brought me back to how I used to be.

I felt human but I felt vulnerable as the man stared me down.

I averted my eyes and scanned the around the rest of the table. Another boy was sitting next to the blonde puppy. His hair was a honey colour and about chin length. He was amazingly handsome but another pang of fright hit me as I noticed the silver scars on his face. Opposite him was a dark skinned man with dread locks which hung like rat tails, frizzy and dirty. His eyes were also fixed on me but they didn't look as hateful as the beady eyed man.

I wanted to describe the guy beside him. I wish I could but he was so mysteriously beautiful I couldn't really fine the words.

I could however describe his amazingly auburn coloured hair which was infuriatingly half covered by the hood of his grey jacket. A just right amount of stubble covered his jaw line which was angled perfectly but even describing his facial features such as the straight line of his nose, couldn't emanate the aura he seemed to give off. It was powerful and threatening but I couldn't bring myself to flinch away. His eyes were trained on the table top in front of him and his pale long fingers were fiddling with a packet a sugar.

"OI"

I started and my eyes snapped to the obnoxious shit who unnerved me at the beginning, but now after being able to collect my feelings together and hide them away I felt strengthened.

"What?" I replied, my voice reproducing my carelessness.

He bristled and leaned forward in his seat, sucking air in through his nose loudly. "We'd like to eat please girlie." His voice sounded friendly but his smirk gave him away.

I took the notebook and pen from my back pocket and grimaced as the blonde boys eyes followed my hand and I raised my eyebrows at the cocky little greasy haired shit signalling him to fricking get on with it.

Honey hair snorted and shook his head with a grin but cocky shit's expression darkened.

"Oh girlies got an attitude, I wonder if she's smart enough to write my fucking order?" He sniggered arrogantly.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed beautiful hooded man's head shoot up, his eyes fixed on the cocky little shit, and as they burned into him, his laughs died a little self consciously. By this time no one else at the table found it amusing and I was in awe at the amount of power the amazingly good looking boy had.

I still hadn't a clue what colour his eyes were.

I was started to get a little irritated at how obsessive my thoughts sounded.

"You know what? If you want some food you can get your fucking ass up and make it yourself." I replied in a bored tone. I couldn't give a shit anymore, he wasn't the most threatening at the table or the whole bloody restaurant so he could take a fucking run and jump.

There was instant silent but I didn't miss the smirk forming on the bronze haired boys face.

I heard a squeak as the table was pushed back from cocky twats lap and he stood up suddenly. Alright he might be a bit more threatening standing.

I subconsciously took a step back as he towered a foot or more over me, his jaw clenching but he grabbed my wrist to stop be going any further.

"Do you know who the fuck I am?" He spat.

I watched the veins in his foreheads stand on end and turn purple and before I could even attempt to answer in my usual monotone the table squeaked back to its original place and the air around me was disturbed as another tall figure popped up in-front of me.

I glanced up, (grimacing a little, as the shit tightened his hold) and drew in a breath as I caught sight of _his _eyes as he glared at the twat beside me.

"Sit the fuck down James."

Even I flinched at the threat in his growl of a voice and it wasn't aimed at me, James, nearly shat himself... before almost crippling his arse due to sitting down so fucking fast. It was hard but I could still detect a luxuriously magnetic voice behind the anger and I almost dared to cross my fingers, wishing he would talk again.

Fuck, I'm screwed.

I bit my lip to stop the unfamiliar smile from crossing my face as I glanced at the coward who was so easily silenced but it wasn't hard for me to bring back the usual blank expression after it being in use for so long.

Blinking a little I carried on staring at the corner of his startling green eyes which were still focused on that shit 'James' hoping that if he looked at me, the mysteriousness of his handsomeness would disappear and I could carry on with exceedingly boring life.

Then, he did.

Okay maybe not.

Without trying to sound like an absolute fucking wimp...he was even more beautiful when I felt him gazing at me.

His hood had slipped down showing a messy head of soft looking bronze hair and my hands started to itch at my sides, yearning to run through it as a strand hung just over his eyes. Even though I remembered how intimidating he was only a few short seconds ago, I thought he looked adorable as his eyebrows furrowed a little and a line formed between them in confusion.

But then I watched his eyes squint and the emerald almost cut into me, with the lining of dark black eyelashes, and I changed his description too...alone. They were completely empty but almost searching for something. I realised that the only place I could imagine this being reflected again would be...well in me, and a pang of sadness struck me off guard.

I wanted to comfort him, which was fucking weird for me because I usually cringed away from any type of physical contact.

"You alright Bell's?" I jumped as I huge hand clapped down on my shoulder and a booming voice echoed into my ear.

"For fuck sakes Emmett." I mumbled tearing my eyes away from the stranger who was strangely recognizable and looking even further upward to my left to see a scowl fixed on the friendly mans face. I was surprised at the almost protectiveness I felt when his unkind gaze was set on lime eyes beside me. "I'm fine"

"I got this."

I bristled at being ignored when his hulking frame stepped in front of me blocking me from the view. I could have argued or jumped around him to subdue the loss I felt(?) but I was too tired and worn out by my sudden return of emotion so I sulked off like a fucking wimp and sat down in the locker room, frowning at the tattered fabric of the chair beside me

What the fuck just happened?

And I couldn't figure whether walking away would be something I'd regret.

**Tell me what you think please.**


	4. Chapter 4

I went home.

I tried to carry on with my usual routine with a clouded mind. I attempted to wait for my left over fries to warm up in the microwave without thinking about anything out of the ordinary.

But it was hard.

My eyes wandered and I found myself staring at a patch of exposed paint from behind the wallpaper which didn't help with my cause...it was bright green. I fucking hated that the stranger had worked his way into my thoughts without even one word to me. His appearance was just too damn intriguing.

I started as the machine beeped, hissing as I grabbed the hot carton with my hand. I frowned trying to contain any noise from showing my pain until they were dropped onto the paper plate I'd thrown on my bed.

At that time I wished for any distractions. Sitting cross-legged on my bed and munching on fries didn't really give me anything to think about and I almost began to be a fucking wimp and feel sorry for myself. They had been pretty close today, to slipping into my life, but I didn't want it.

Emmett and his utterly indiscriminate kindness nearly forced a smile out of me and if I were anywhere near normal I could seem him breaking through my exterior easily.

And then there was lime eyes. He wasn't even aware of the effect that he had had on the completely ordinary looking poor waitress.

He hadn't a clue that she was sitting on her squeaky mattress in a dingy apartment thinking of his unnaturally green eyes and weirdly alluring growling voice. I was probably dismissed from his mind a soon as Emmett entered his line of vision. It wouldn't be too farfetched.

Glancing up at the peeling patchy ceiling I groaned as I heard a creak and two bangs from upstairs.

Mr and Mrs At It were...at it, yet again.

For fucks sake

I heard a groan but this time it wasn't from me and it wasn't of exasperation but of pleasure.

I changed into my holey vest top, grabbing my hoody after quickly threw my paper plate into the sink just a few feet from my bed so I could wipe it down later.

And snuggling into the thin blanket which I'd nicked from my mum's before I left I slumped onto my bed.

"Yes..YES..OH YES."

I covered my ears, by balling my hoody into a cushion looking lump and wished for sleep to come quickly.

It did despite my numb cold toes.

I found myself dreaming of a pair of floating limes and a head of bronze raggedy soft hair.

**

"No, NO, you don't get to tell _me _what to do Elliot."

"Oh, I don't do I? Well who the FUCK goes to that shit hole everyday?"

"You do, but that doesn't make you my fucking mother."

"Well someone's gotta be boss!"

I groaned and rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand almost trying to rub away the sleep before growling at the realisation that the fucking twats outside my window had woken me. Not even feeling the difference in coldness from under it to over it I pulled the blanket away from me, and I made sure my socks were still on my feet because I didn't know what the fuck would be crawling around on the damp brown carpet.

Storming over to the window I flung it upon, only slightly worried when the glass wobbled and watched as two rough looking baldies stopped their arguing to look up at me.

"Hey guys." I shouted in a kind voice, leaning on my elbows on the windowsill and fluttering my eyelashes. "Do you live round here?" I leaned over even further making a point of showing off my bust and wiggling around a little until both of them were grinning up at me entirely relaxed, hands in pockets.

"Nope...do you want us to?" The more confident of the two, took a few sauntering steps forward, his eyebrows raised cockily. I tried to hide my grimace at the fact that this guy obviously thought so much of himself when his yellowing teeth and obvious unfitness told me otherwise.

"Mmmm, maybe." I cocked my head to one side and licked my lips and both of them stood, wide eyes watching, as I stood up straight to toy with the edge of my top. "But it depends."

"On what?" The other one asked.

"Well... on WHETHER YOU CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP." I yelled slamming the window down. They both looked angry as I drew the moth eaten curtains but I couldn't bring myself to care. "Dick heads." I murmured.

When I changed, I shivered, as the cool air from under the door hit my exposed back and sped me up without the need for the caffeine I still couldn't afford. My door stuck as I tried to pull it closed yet again, and the only good luck I had was that it wasn't raining..for now.

The same old hoody was stuff in my shitty little rucksack and the bus was exactly the same as it always was with the same old grey man driving it. I might have changed, even if it were by a miniscule amount but everything else had managed to stay exactly the same, even down to the same empty crisp packet floating around the empty car park. The sun was in the same place-hidden behind clouds-the wind smelt the same and the shop across the road was still as desolate as every other day. I couldn't lie and say that I hadn't hoped that I had a justification for my strange rush of emotions yesterday. The fear, the anger, the surprise and protection for a stranger.

And without realising it, the want to feel protected in turn.

It took the exact same amount of steps to get on the badly driven bus and the exact same amount of steps to get off it and walk to the shit hole named Simon's Burger Break.

Nothing else had changed and it felt weird, shouldn't something be different?

Emmett was his usual cheery self, nothing had changed there and he still threw me a big cheeky grin when I shoved through the smudged glass doors.

Simon was still a huge fucking loser who watched me, waiting for me to mess up.

Well he wasn't going to get that today. I wasn't going to mess up. I wasn't going to bad mouth anyone and I'd love to say that it was because I need this job, and I do, but in the back of my head I knew its because...if I lose this job, there would be an even smaller chance of seeing lime eyes again.

Fuck how pathetic.

"Hey Bells, wake up"

I hadn't noticed that I'd started day dreaming like a moron until Emmett decided to pop up from under the bar his grin STILL fixed in place. Wouldn't his mouth ache?

"I'm awake." I slurred, my lack of sleep finally catching up with me and his chuckle proved that my voice and dark circles under my eyes may have given me away.

"Of course." He nodded. "Look I know you don't know me at all really but, if you ever need..help or anything, all you have to do is ask." He was wringing his hands nervously as he watched for my reaction and I couldn't help but feel bad (damn those feelings). He was being kind and trying to look out for me but he was so anxious for my reaction. If the old Isabella had been standing in front of him, he'd be so much more confident. I didn't want to hurt him. His face was too young.

"Sure." I looked down biting my lip.

When I realised that I'd changed things again I frowned.

With one word I'd let him in even further.

The first person in a year and a half.

But now I couldn't take it back as I glanced up at his beaming face...a little afraid, but I could sure as hell try. I wasn't going to bring anyone else down with me, especially someone like Emmett.

"My names Isabella, not Bells." I used my coldest emotionless voice I could muster whilst looking at the happiest person I'd ever met but it didn't smother his smile. There was optimism in his eyes when he reached out to rub my arm comfortingly, but it changed to concern when I flinched unconsciously.

I turned away from his speculative eyes and walked toward back into the dinner careful to keep my eyes on the floor.

I didn't feel as angry and confident as usual. Suddenly, I felt self-conscious.

Someone had seen the old me, even if it were only for a second and now I felt vulnerable, like if anyone else tried right now, they'd get in way too easily. I had to hold something around myself to keep myself safe and as much as I wanted to be the old Isabella, to have someone there for me, it wasn't secure.

I'd be hurt. Again.

I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes, focusing on the darkness of my eyelids and wishing myself to close off, become numb. I held in every feeling and wrapped it in bubble wrap stored at the back of my head and the bottom of my heart.

When I opened them, my eyes felt empty and my lips were flat with no chance of a smile.

"Waitress." I glanced over at a nearby table and an elderly couple were looking expectantly at me, hands clasped together and bodies turned to each other. Before, it would have made me feel lonely maybe even coax a tear (I haven't cried) from my soft self but now those couple brought the same emotions as it would regarding a fly on the table top.

My hearing was fuzzy, my sight seemed blurred but it was safe.

The day went quickly in a scent of coffee and a feeling of plastic and paper.

Words and voices merged and I didn't pay attention when they uttered my name.

I could feel my toes blistering as I didn't sit all day, working harder than I had in a long time so as not to slip into thinking of anything other than arrogant customers in the corner with backward baseball hats and the quiet bookworm spectacled next to the window. My pockets were stuffed full of dollars of tips which I'd earned from practically sprinting around on the squeaking sticky floor and the hole in my converse had expanded darkening my mood even further when I noticed a soaked commuter with a broken umbrella stumble through the entrance.

My elastic band which I used to tie my hair back had snapped so my long hair was constantly getting in my face and I couldn't think of anything else that would fucking annoy me. It had all seemed to have happened today. I stubbed my toe in the locker room, there wasn't any toilet paper left in the rest room, countless hot drinks had spilled over my blistered fingers and...lime eyes hadn't miraculously turned up.

I don't know why I thought he would. Someone like him would have better things to do, better places to go. His sense of leadership and control would offer someone so many prospects, no one with such power would choose to be here. Even though it was so unlikely, and I could tell by his stance he was so much better than here one feeling did break through. Hope.

Only a little but it was enough for me to glance at the door when the bell went wishing to see a flash of bronze. I'd spent so much of last night thinking of the mysterious stranger and now I was aching to see something..anything to prove to me that he had actually been there, sticking up for me last night with his husky rough voice and startling jade eyes and not just a figment of my shitty imagination.

"Bella...sorry, Isabella?" I turned around when Emmett decided to listen to my earlier advice, after dragging my rucksack out of my fucking useless locker and throwing it over one shoulder.

"What?" Waiting for him to speak I stared at the floor beside his booted feet and bit my lip impatiently.

I watched them shuffle a little before standing resolutely in front of me. "I'm walking you to your bus stop, so wait for five minutes while I finish 'Kay?"

Staring at his concerned blue eyes for a moment in surprise I shook my head. "No, I'm fine." I swivelled around away from him while I heard him sigh and watched my feet as I walked to the front door, prepared for the steady patter of rain as it hit the back of my head, quickly wetting my hair.

I watched as my converse turned darker as the water saturated them and my feet were numb again.

The streets smelt fresher though, and I guess the drops of water bouncing off the concrete did look a little magical.

No I haven't sniffed anything.

I pulled my rucksack tighter around me and kept my head down. I wanted to keep some part of my body dry and when I could feel rain drops falling down my face I was always wary of people mistaking it for tears and thinking me a fucking wimp.

Sniffing back a cold and shivering under my drenched hoody I stopped at the lonely bus stop and reached a hand up to trace the names carved into the metal and the blotches of spray paint. They were normal names, people in love with their names surrounded by a heart, angry scratches and random scribbles all on the same post in the middle of Seattle.

A puddle was building up underneath it and I skimmed the top with the sole of my broken shoe and watched it ripple silently beneath me. My hands were numb and were starting to cramp up, I wouldn't be surprised if they were blue but I couldn't be bothered to look as I stuffed them in the pockets of my skirt.

I was starting to notice things.

Things I'd look over before, things I'd forget I'd seen.

I felt like I'd woken up and even when I forced myself to switch off...I'd forced it.

It was involuntary

But now, I could pull out of it.

I heard a shuffle and a laugh behind me and I stiffened, straightening up and staring at the empty shop front on the other end of the street.

It sounded like one pair of feet and their breathing was heavy when they stopped behind me.

Maybe they were actually waiting for the bus, just like me. I was surprised at the feelings bubbling away. Anxiousness, nervousness and..fear.

I might have a tough head and strong mind but I was just a nineteen year old 5ft6 girl after all, I couldn't beat anyone off unless they handed me a fucking baseball bat.

One of those would be pretty damn handy.

"Diner Girl?"

Right so I'm standing in a dark empty street, waiting for a bus which is at least five minutes late...in the rain and "Creepy ponytail guy?" is standing behind me.

The cold air whistled and blew my wet hair around and I crinkled my nose as I heard him shuffle forward even more.

"Awww, you remember me...how sweet." I cringed away from his nasally whiny voice which sounded especially close to my ear but carried on admiring the brickwork across from me adamant to stay unconcerned.

"Feisty little waitress remembers little old me..I feel honoured."

I could hear the mocking in his voice and I jiggled my leg a little trying to keep it from going dead without drawing attention to my movement. My arms were crossed over my chest self-consciously; I couldn't look more defensive if I tried. The air finally stilled, the rain slowed and I could easily distinguish natures wind from the disgusting cheesy smell blowing over my shoulder. I shivered and unlike before it was from utter revulsion rather than the temperature which seemed to have dropped significantly since the freak has arrived.

I guess you had to be a pretty shitty person to change the weather.

I didn't want to turn around and face my fear personified and it made me feel like such a wimp. My complete numbness was being put to the test and it was a real fucking shame I was feeling again but I clenched my jaw and hoped that he would get bored at my utter reluctance to be involved in his little mind games.

But this fucking shit is persistent.

I pretty much jumped out of my skin when his hand came down on my shoulder and it wasn't a touch he thought I could swerve out off. He was keeping me in place.

I waited until he shuffled forward even closer, disgusted with myself when the length of his body was pressed against my back and I felt his 'excitement'.

I held the gag at bay.

I watched out of the corner of my eye as his face moved closer to mine, his greasy blonde hair coming into view as he came close to placing his cheek to mine.

But it wasn't before his hand slipped to my waist and squeezed it tight, and his nose buried itself in my hair.

He wasn't close enough but if I didn't do anything soon I'm sure I'd feel my skin crawling for years.

I stiffened my arm and lifted it, smacking my elbow back into his face in quick succession with as much strength as I could.

Once: he pulled back

Twice: he let my waist go

Three times

Crack.

I smirked proudly.

I heard his gurgled voice.

"Argh, you fucking bitch."

It was reckless, I knew it as soon as I heard the determine anger in his voice. Who was I kidding? A horny, six foot four man isn't going to be deterred by a smack in the face, even if I did break his nose.

I should have dutifully stood still and maybe he would have taken pity on me. I could have cried and shivered and brought out the humanity which every human possessed.

Now he was animal, he wasn't going to walk away with a bloody nose and bruised ego.

Now it was personal.

I gasped as he shoved me hard in the chest, my breath lost as he repeatedly pushed me into the darkened alley, a manic grin growing on his face. I caught sight of his blood covered teeth and felt some consolation before the fear.

Then came the realisation of my vulnerability as a woman.

Well fuck it. I wasn't going down without a fight and from the mad look in James' eyes I knew he wouldn't either as he spat the blood out of his mouth, his eyes still fixed on mine. I did the same, minus the blood and directed at his face. Then the lunatic laughed.

I watched as he reached to wipe my spit from under his eyes staring at the foamy liquid on his fingertips with concentration before his eyes flickered back to my wide ones and slowly he licked the drop. I could feel my gag reflex starting to kick in and I slowly moved my soggy foot behind the other, feeling my way over the cobbled alley without trying to alert his attention to the fact I was trying to get away.

"Oh, you're just as eager as me aren't you, you easy little whore."

"You fucking wish." I spat.

I staggered backward as I realised he wasn't going to hold up and was even more sickened as his arms reached out and quickened his pace my voice spurring him on. I could feel my breathing quickened as I realised quick witty remarks and sarcastic comments weren't going to get me out of this. I was defenceless; something I'd never thought I'd be again. I'd shielded myself from emotional attacks but never questioned any physical ones. Fuck, I'm screwed.

A shiver ran through my spine as I let fear course through me and it wasn't hard as his leering face loomed closer. He was swaggering confidently toward me as if I were a piece of prey and I groaned as my head hit the brick behind me.

Shit, dead end.

I drew in a huge breath preparing to scream my lungs dry but the dread that no one was near and it would aggravate him even more stalled me for a second and it was long enough for him to come face to face with me, his warm chilling breath fanning over my face as I trembled into the cool wall. One of his hands reached up to lean on the brick above me and his other cupped my face and reflexively I turned my head away in disgust.

"Oh that won't do. Settle down diner girl" He murmured his eyes roaming up and down my body as he grabbed my face turning it to face him forcefully muffling my voice. I trembled even more when he stood up straight to leave his other hand free and he seemed pretty clear with what he wanted to do with it. It hovered close to my left breast and his eyes were definitely giving away what he was about to do.

I heard something not far away but I wasn't going to get my hopes up on some freaking stray dog.

No fucking way. I'd rather die, beaten by this mother fucker than sexually harassed in an alley way by a greasy lunatic.

I'd never done it before. Head butted anyone, but I guess now was the time to learn. I threw my whole body into it hoping to hurt him more than it hurt me. That was the theory.

In reality it hurt a lot more than I fucking expected but he did stagger back a few steps his hand holding his now red forehead while I squinted, bending over a little at my new headache.

I heard something else, but I couldn't really care, I was more focused on what I felt.

A blinding pain from my left eye, then I felt dizzy, and then...it went black.


End file.
